What If?
by AmberEyes87
Summary: It's AC 198, Heero has joined the other Gundam Pilots for a "reunion" when he learns that Quatre has invited Relena to join them. The night takes a horrible turn... 1xR please, don't judge it by my poor summary!
1. Chapter 1

What If?

Hey, AmberEyes here, this is my first fanfic, so forgive me if the characters are a little OOC or if my idea is unoriginal. Please, be nice, don't flame, and please review.

Disclaimers:

the rating is around PG-13 for some violence.

This fanfic is mostly in Heero's POV, but has a couple of parts in Relena's POV, and it is a 1xR… so if this pairing bothers you, then don't read it.

Finally, I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters, I am simply a poor college student trying to pass the time.

Chapter 1

AC 198...

Heero Yuy sat at the large table in the restaurant accompanied by Duo Maxwell, Quatre Rababer Winner, Trowa Barton, and Wufei Chang. They were having a "reunion" of sorts to catch up on each others lives and see how things were going for all of them in this era of peace.

It had been Quatre's idea, and Heero truly didn't see the point of it. Their place had been in the past, and that's where it should stay, but still he came. He had surprised himself more then he did the others by showing up, but he was shocked when Wufei arrived as well. He was as much into sentimentalities as Heero was. Maybe he came for the same reasons Heero finally caved for. He was feeling utterly alone.

Heero could have smashed his head against the faux wood table for allowing such weak thoughts to influence his decisions, but he was no longer a soldier and he needed to learn how to live among normal people. Lead a normal life.

He almost smirked at such a ridiculous statement. What did he know about normal. Heero's life had been anything but normal. He was raised to kill without guilt, fight without fear, and die without thought because, in the end, his life truly meant nothing. Any emotion he showed was beaten out of him. Any gentleness, or kindness he expressed was rewarded by more pain. He was broken down until he was cold, numb… then, finally, felt nothing. He became exactly what they wanted, a machine, a weapon. He was no longer human. Every mission was carried out with deadly precision, and every mission accomplished was greeted with his cold laughter. Maybe it was an unconscious reaction. Maybe he was trying to gain some sick sort of joy from his existence. But there was none. He was only left even more empty then he was before. He didn't understand why. He still doesn't.

But that was before he met _her_…

She awakened his dormant emotions. Even though he was supposed to kill her, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Her eyes, the color of sky, held an innocence he couldn't comprehend. Her golden hair shone like it was made of light itself. Her slight frame looked so delicate, so fragile. Killing her shouldn't have been so difficult.

_How can I kill something so pure? Am I questioning my mission? _

Every emotion he had suppressed since he was ten had all of a sudden swirled through his being. The things he had repressed, and could barely remember were weighing him down, holding him at bay. And there was a new one. One he knew he had never felt before. Her bright sky blue eyes seemed to pull the trigger, but instead of inflicting pain, a warmth started to burn in his chest, and then continued to radiate through his body until he was sure he would combust. He was confused, even frightened of her impact on him. So he ran, a cowardly reaction that he often mentally reprimanded himself for, but what could he do? It wasn't like he had been prepared for something like this. Sometimes, just being near her would cause his whole body to ache. She would only distract him from his mission. So, he kept her at arms length, most of the time. And now, even though the war is over, he still can't bring himself to stay near her too long, despite the fact that that's the one thing he wants most. He can't name the feelings he has for her, he doesn't understand them.

_Relena… _He said her name in his head for, possibly, the millionth time since Mariemaya's coup de ta._ I don't deserve her. _

His hands were far too stained with blood. He is too tainted, too broken a person to give her what she needs.

He closed his eyes to the scene at the restaurant and imagined her standing before him. How he wished to run his hands through her hair. Feel the silky smoothness of her cheek against his rough, calloused hands. Feel her soft lips press against his… He felt the warmth spread in his chest again and snapped himself back to reality. He felt light headed and tingly, and realized that he had been holding his breath. He let it out in one even and unnoticeable sigh.

_Is this normal? _Heero thought to himself.

"Hey Heero… are you even listening?"

Heero's attention was suddenly brought back to the table. Duo was looking at him intently, and he realized that he had just missed the entire conversation.

"Hn." he grunted in reply.

"So, as I was _saying…" _Duo continued boisterously. " Are you gonna make your move on Relena already or what?"

"What are you talking about?" Heero asked in his usual monotone.

"Don't give me that!" Duo said animatedly throwing his arms into the air, nearly knocking a waitress over in the process. " Even with your anti- emotional, anti- social, "Perfect Soldier" shit, it's still pretty obvious that you're in love with her." He turned to the rest of the table. "Am I right guys?"

"Well… yes." was Quatre's polite response.

Trowa nodded impassively and Wufei just scowled, but Duo took it as a confirmation.

"Ya see?" Duo stated matter-of-factly. " And she'll be here pretty soon so…"

"What?" Heero cut him off.

Duo smiled wickedly. To an outsider, Heero sounded like he couldn't care less, but those who know him could recognize his surprise.

"So… you missed that part of the conversation too." Duo laughed. "Well, as I'm sure you know, she has been here on L1 for business these last couple of days and she starts on her little vacation tomorrow, so Quatre," Duo threw a wink in Quatre's direction, " invited her. She'll be here at eight."

Heero looked at the clock on the wall, not missing the smug look on Duo's face, it read 7:48. His emotionless mask never betraying his inner affliction, he felt his heart beat pick up triple time and had to work to keep his breathing under control. He hadn't seen her in nearly two years.

"So what are you gonna say?" Duo coaxed.

"Hn." was Heero's response.

"Aw come on man, I know you love her and…"

Duo kept babbling idiotically, but Heero stopped listening.

_Love_, Heero thought, _that is the perfect word for it._

He had never felt love from anyone before her, but that is the only thing that makes sense.

_I love her_, he confessed to himself, and even thinking about it made him want to smile. _But I don't deserve her. She is beautiful and pure… an innocent. I am a killer. I am a machine, a weapon. I only know death and destruction, I can't possibly love… be loved. I will only destroy her in the end._

His face remained a cold, hard, emotionless mask and no one could see the battle taking place within. He knows in his heart that it is the truth, and he wouldn't, no couldn't live with himself if something happened to Relena, especially if he was the cause. He has to keep his distance. It is the only way he can protect her.

"Duo…" Heero finally interrupted his senseless banter.

"What?" Duo asked.

"Shut up."

That was all Heero said, then got up and left, running yet again. He didn't pay attention to Duo and the others as they tried to voice their protests. He didn't pay attention to the crowd in the restaurant as he pushed his way to the door. He didn't pay attention to the cold biting through his thin, white button up shirt as he stepped into the night, the darkness enveloping him, welcoming back its eternally lost son.

He uncharacteristically ignored his surroundings, trying to push the image of Relena out of his mind. She had looked so beautiful earlier that day as he watched her at a Peace Conference between all the delegates of the ESUN. He had watched from the shadows of the large, stadium-like room as she gave a powerful speech. An intelligent fire had burned in her clear, sky colored eyes. Her hair was tied back at the nape of her neck and flowed freely to her waist. She was dressed in a smart pant suit that was entirely white, adding to the image of purity. But there was a fierceness in her voice that she had not possessed when they first met.

Perhaps, if he hadn't been so weak, he would have confronted to her at the conference. Perhaps, if he hadn't been so weak, he wouldn't have ran from the restaurant in such a cowardly fashion. Perhaps, if he hadn't been so weak, he wouldn't have been so surprised by what happened next.

A cold hand covered his mouth and was pulled back into the chest of a man much larger then he. Before Heero could react, he felt a pressure to the right of his mid back, quickly replaced by searing pain as the cold metal of a dagger slid smoothly and swiftly into his body.

"Heero Yuy." Confirmed the raspy voice of his murderer.

Heero was rendered completely immobile. Not because of the pain now radiating through his body. No, but because of the familiar, feminine figure watching in shock at the end of the street. Yes, Relena Darlain stood frozen in horror as her once resilient protector was being murdered in front of her eyes.

"Too bad," Heero could hear the sneer in his voice, "now she has to watch you die slowly, and painfully… And don't worry, your four buddies will be following you shortly."

And, before Heero could react or speak, he felt the blade in his body slide upwards about an inch or two just before the killer gave it a deadly twist and removed the weapon. He was gone as quickly as he came.

"No! Heero!" he heard her scream, and she was running toward him.

He made a move in Relena's direction, but his legs refused to hold him any longer. He collapsed onto his knees, his arms hung limply at his sides as he put all the energy he had left into keeping his posture upright. He started to sway from the effort, and just as he was about to loose all the strength he had left, a pair of gentle hands took hold of him and pulled him tightly into the warm body of the woman he tried so hard to stay away from. To protect.

The metallic taste of blood washed over his palate as his breathing became shallow. His consciousness started becoming more and more evasive.

Relena cradled him to her in one arm while the other hand lifted his shirt to check the seriousness of his wound. She was fighting to keep calm, but when she saw how deep and lethal it was, her hands began to tremble, tears stung in her eyes and panic began to set in.

"Oh no, Heero…No." Were the first words out of her mouth. She took in one deep breath and with all the force she had in her, she shouted, "Somebody! Help me! Call 911! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!"

And with that final scream, she broke down. Tears streamed from her eyes as she looked into the face of the only man who had her whole heart. His eyes, that impossible shade of Prussian blue, were still as guarded as ever. He was still conscious, but she could tell that it was taking some effort. And there was a lot of blood, everywhere. On her hands, seeping into her clothes… trickling out of the corner of his mouth down the side of his face. Her tears were renewed as she placed her hand on his face and tried to wipe away the crimson line, only managing to cause it to smudge. He was losing too much blood…_blood._

_I'm an idiot! I need to stop the bleeding._

Relena cursed her moment of stupidity as she removed the zip up sweater she was wearing with her one free hand. She folded it up as quickly and as best she could, and pressed it firmly against his back. His body began to tremble lightly and Relena pulled him closer to her, trying to keep him warm with her body heat. She tucked his head beneath her chin and forced herself to keep her composure. She had never thought it was possible for him to be like this. He was becoming weak, fighting for every breath.

_He is dying, _she thought, the tears flowing despite her efforts. _He is human, even if he doesn't believe it… _

"R… Relena…" she heard him gasp.

Her heart nearly broke at the sound, and she didn't think she was strong enough to handle the emotion in his voice. She hushed him, and gently started rocking back and forth to sooth him, as his mother probably never had. He surprised her by pulling back and raising his face to meet hers. She forced herself to look at him, and her heart finally shattered. His skin had gotten so pale and cold, and he could hardly keep his eyes open. He was taking deep shuttering breaths that caught in his throat, as if it were impossible for him to take a complete breath, and his lips were dry and cracked.

She pressed her forehead against his and sobbed uncontrollably, unable to bare the thought of loosing him. She felt icy fingers brush gently across her cheek. She cleared her eyes and witnessed Heero's hand wiping the tears from her face. Its path left a warm, tingling sensation in its wake.

"…I..m…s sorry." he said to her, and his eyes closed.

His hand dropped from her face and a new wave of panic spread through her body. "Heero?" She shook his shoulders gently with no effect. "H-Heero?" She said more urgently and shook him more forcefully. His eyes snapped open and she relaxed slightly. "I love you… so much." She blurted without thought.

_She loves me? _He thought. He hadn't believed that it was possible.

He opened his mouth to speak. He wanted so bad to tell her the truth, but it was so hard, and not just because of his injuries. He went to speak, but ended up coughing as more blood flowed into his mouth and found its way out the corner of his lips. Relena began to cry again, hugging him to her. He did not want to see her cry. He wanted to hold her, tell her everything would be okay, but his body would not allow it and he once again cursed his weakness.

"Oh, my God!" He heard the familiar voice of Quatre from behind. "Hey guys! Guys! It's Heero!" The Arab pilot sounded as though he may cry.

"Heero? Oh no, Heero!" Was Duo's follow up, completely lacking any of the humor from earlier.

Heero heard hurried foot steps as the four other Gundam pilots approached. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he slowly turned his head to stare up into Trowa's one visible emerald eye. First, grief shadowed his normally impassive features, which was quickly taken over by rage. The hand on his shoulder tightened some.

"Who did this?" He asked in a remarkably unaffected tone.

Heero took a breath to speak and was rewarded by another cough and more blood trickling out of his mouth. An angry huff by where his feet were still bent awkwardly beneath his body, brought Duo into his line of sight. He did not recognize his American friend. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes and his normally goofy/happy expression had turned to one of stone and anger. He looked ready to kill. Heero sensed that this may be a side of him that he tried hard not to express.

"What the hell happened?" Wufei asked curtly, but this time the question was directed to Relena.

"I turned the corner to…to get to the restaurant, and a large man grabbed him from behind…" she paused a moment to take a deep breath. "I couldn't see him well enough to tell you who…and then…I saw…a flash of metal, and he disappeared." Tears were beginning to form in her eyes at the memory. "All I could do was run to him…"

"Did you see which way he went?" The Chinese man asked.

Relena only nodded her head in the direction she saw him leave. Wufei looked at Trowa and started to move in the direction Relena had indicated. Trowa understood, and began to stand up to follow. Heero could hear sirens in the distance and the hushed chatter of strangers nearby. A large crowd must be forming, but there was something important… and suddenly, he remembered.

He turned quickly to grab Trowa by the wrist before he stood completely. The sudden movement caused a tremor of pain to wrack his body, and his emotionless mask broke as he winced, showing the intensity of his suffering outwardly for the first time that night. But he didn't let go of his wrist, he needed to warn them.

"He…He's after you too…All of you…" He managed to say unemotionally.

Trowa nodded and then left to follow Wufei. Quatre kneeled next to him in Trowa's place. He took hold of Heero's wrist, searching for his pulse, and his face fell. He shook his head slowly and turned to Duo.

"His pulse is fading fast…" He said softly.

"No… Come on Heero," Duo seethed as Relena cried silently, "you're stronger then this man." And he hung his head in defeat.

Everything began to slow. Color was fading and it seemed as though he were looking at everything through a long tunnel. Voices around became distant as his lungs burned and his eyes were pulled shut. He distantly acknowledged Quatre's grip on his wrist tighten. He began to mutter something in a strange language that Heero assumed was a prayer to his God. As the ambulance arrived with a couple of police cars in tow, he found himself fighting against the pull that threatened to drown him.

He felt the warmth leave his body as the EMTs gently removed him from Relena's arms, quickly placing him on a stretcher and loading him in the back of the ambulance. Relena and Duo quickly agreed to ride with him to the hospital while Quatre offered to stay behind and relay the information to the officers.

The back of the vehicle was crowded with Heero laid out on the stretcher, Duo was sitting next to Relena on the small bench near the rear doors, and the two EMTs fussing about Heero, getting him hooked up to a small heart monitor, while hurriedly grabbing other medical supplies. This kind of attention would normally irritate Heero, but he was too busy fighting the tides that were trying ruthlessly to pull him in every direction.

"I'm surprised this kid is still conscious." The young EMT stated.

"This isn't good…" the older EMT whispered to his comrade after rolling Heero onto his side to check the wound. He rattled off a list of medical supplies he would need and the younger complied.

Heero listened in to the EMTs conversation, hoping for a distraction from the intense pain and fatigue that suddenly overtook his senses.

"What's wrong?" the younger EMT questioned the look on the elder's face.

"Whoever stabbed this kid knew what they were doing." He whispered while skillfully dressing his wound. "There is no way that its placement was an accident."

"What do you mean?" The younger asked in a hushed tone while putting an oxygen mask over Heero's mouth.

"He stabbed him in just the right place…" He said, grimly indicating the gauze, blood already soaking through. "Inflicting maximum amounts of pain and damage without killing him instantly. He wanted this kid to suffer intensely before bleeding out."

"Are you trying to tell me that a professionally trained assassin went after some eighteen-year-old kid!" The younger said incredulously, raising his voice as the other tried to hush him. He didn't want to upset the two passengers.

"You would be surprised by how many people would love to see me die." Heero said uncaringly, his voice held no evidence of pain. He was losing his battle. He felt himself slowly being pulled under.

"Pulse is becoming erratic…"

"Get some epinephrine ready..."

"B.P. is dropping…"

"He's loosing consciousness…"

The frantic voices swirled around Heero, but he wasn't registering any of it. He was being pulled away, darkness enveloping him. The last thing he could comprehend was the warmth of Relena's tears against his skin.

Then nothing.

Now calm down. Before any of you hurt me, Heero is not dead, I do have a second chapter in the works, but if you want to see it, you must review!


	2. Chapter 2

What If?

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your reviews, they really encouraged me to continue with this story.

Here is my second chapter… however, I am a little bit anxious about this one cuz it may not be to everyone's taste… but I couldn't resist writing it. It was an idea that I have had for a while now and was happily able to fit it into this story. I just hope it doesn't seem too off plot…

Disclaimers:

The rating for this chapter is PG- it's basically harmless

This part is entirely in Heero's POV… and it is still a 1xR.

And, sadly, I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters… I just like to play with them :)

Chapter 2

Heero's eyes opened slowly and were immediately assaulted by the light washing over him. He blinked a few times and let them adjust to their new environment. Despite the fact that he was buried beneath a thick comforter and his face was kissed by the sun, he still felt very cold.

Through the fog of sleep, there was a nagging sense that things were not as they should be… He then bolted up right, remembering the events of the night before. Realizing that he felt no pain, he searched his bare torso for evidence of his injury. There was none. No bandages, no gauze. He ran his hands down the length of his back, only to feel nothing but his icy cold skin. No gashes, no stitches… no markings at all.

_What in the hell is going on?_ He thought to himself. _Did I die?_

Heero shook his head at the thought. He definitely was not dead, he didn't believe in an afterlife. He didn't believe that when your body expired, the good, pure souls were greeted by pearly gates and a land of comfort and happiness, while the damned were condemned to a land of unbearable heat and misery, to be consumed by fire for all of eternity. The thought was absurd, though if there were such a place, Heero was certain he would be counted among the damned.

Just then, the door burst open and a child, about eleven or twelve, surged into the room and jumped onto the bed Heero was lying in with much enthusiasm.

"You're back!" He exclaimed joyfully, as he clasped Heero's cheeks with both of his hands.

Heero was completely shocked by the sudden intrusion, but quickly schooled his features back into that impenetrable mask. The kid only laughed at the change and began to play with the bangs that fell across Heero's forehead. Another soft laughter distracted Heero from his irritation with the child in his lap. He turned his attention to the source of the sound.

If he hadn't been trained better, his jaw may have dropped at the sight of a girl about his age standing in the doorway. She looked exactly like him. From the shape, lines and contours of her features, to her chocolate brown hair, to the Prussian blue of her eyes. Even the way she moved, with a cat like lithe, was like him. But she was different too. Her features, over all, were softened by her feminine nature. Her hair was much more tame then his, waving softly down to her waist, and her eyes, though intense, were lit by kindness and joy, not at all like his cold, vacant ones. She was him… but not. Her eyes made contact with his and she became unnerved by his glare.

"Hey, why don't we let him wake up a little… We don't want to overwhelm him." She said to the boy.

Reluctantly, he obliged. He got down from Heero's bed and made his way out the door. The girl shot one last, nervous glace at him before following the child, closing the door behind her.

Heero was once again left alone, this time even more confused then when he first woke. What did they mean by him being back? He had never been here before. He was certain he would have remembered that girl.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and, clad only in a pair of sweat pants, went in search of a shirt. He opened the drawers of a dresser pushed against the wall closest to the window and took out the first tee shirt he found. He pulled the fabric on over his head, then surveyed his surroundings. The room was decorated in various shades of blue from sky to indigo. Other then the bed, dresser, and one desk in the room, it was fairly "non-descrip". He walked over to the desk, shuffling through the papers on top before searching the drawers, finding nothing of interest.

_Where the hell am I!_ He thought as he slammed the bottom drawer shut. _I must be dreaming…a very, very lucid dream. _

A shiver moved down his spine from the cold that seemed to refuse to leave him. He rubbed his icy hands against each other, hoping that the friction would generate some heat. It didn't seem to work.

He heard the door knob twist and saw the door slowly being opened out of the corner of his eye. He turned to face the girl, her arms wrapped tightly around her form as she cautiously moved closer. She stopped about a foot away, not quite making eye contact.

"You don't remember me, do you." she said softly, her voice filled with sadness.

He shook his head firmly.

She looked at him and gave a little smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"That's okay… it's my fault that I lost you… I could have fought harder, been stronger." She next to whispered. "I barely recognized you myself…"

He was confused by her statement, but he didn't question, and she didn't clarify.

"You're here now, and that is all that matters." She said, a brighter tone in her voice. She smiled genuinely. "Come on… lets go see the others now."

"Others?" he questioned in his habitual monotone.

"You don't honestly think that I was the only one waiting for you to come around… Do you?" She asked teasingly, her smile widening. Her eyes filled with kindness. How odd those expressions seemed to him when displayed on features so similar to his own.

She reached towards him and took hold of his upper arm. The heat generated from her gentle hand burned against his icy skin as she led him out the door and down a small hallway. Her feverish skin warmed his flesh, making him feel more comfortable, more content… then she let go. The warmth quickly faded, the chill setting back into his bones. He retreated back behind his mask.

They entered a small kitchen, where four boys were waiting for them. Two of them were sitting at the small table in the center of the room, conversing quietly. One stood at the stove, stirring various substances in pots while commenting every now and then to the others sitting at the table. The boy that had been in Heero's room earlier, moved from one person to the other. He was laughing, teasing, trying to get some attention from the others. Some seemed to be annoyed at his hyperactivity, but it was clear to Heero that they all held an affection for the child. They all looked to the door where they had entered, smiling invitingly. He looked to his likeness still standing at his side.

"They are what's left of our family." She answered, sensing his question.

"Hn." was his only response.

She moved towards the stove and began to help with the cooking, adding spices to a large pot at the back and mixing it in.

"You can come in you know…" She threw the words over her shoulder when she saw he still had yet to move.

At her invitation, he sat at the table in the chair farthest from the group. He observed the family. As the meal was served, they all settled into seats around the table. The conversation was light, mainly recounting the events of the day for the others, and some joked while others laughed. They all seemed to try to subtly involve Heero in their musings, with a smile or a nod in his direction. But Heero didn't feel a part of this life. He felt like an outsider, watching the ease and comfort they all shared with each other. He felt detached. It was then that he realized, where ever the hell he was, that he didn't belong...

An unsettling silence filled the room as Heero left his place at the table to exit the house. He could have smiled at the irony, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Suddenly, the screeching sounds of a chair sliding across the linoleum floor caught his attention. Fevered skin gripped the ice of his forearm, and he turned to see the girl hanging onto him with both hands. Her kind, gentle spirit made the grief in her eyes more intense, then a sudden fear ripped through her features.

"Please… you can't leave me here again! Don't shove me back behind that wall… I don't know how much longer I can survive it!" She pleaded, and a faint understanding danced at the back of his mind, just beyond his reach.

"I'm afraid…" she whispered, jarring him, causing him to lose his thoughts. "I'm afraid of what will happen to you if I cease to exist… you need to und…"

He wrenched his arm from her grip. Everything about this place confused him, and his inability to make sense of the events around him was frustrating him. Where he was, he wasn't sure, but he realized that there were more important things happening in reality that were more pressing then this girl in front of him. He had people to protect.

Hurt crossed her face as she collapsed to the floor. Four sets of eyes watched the two anxiously.

"I can't stay." was all he said.

Tears spilt over the rims of her eyes, and she dropped her head into her hands. She cried silently in the middle of the floor as the others attempted to comfort her. His strength overpowering hers, he turned and walked out the door.

The light of day had begun to fade and the artificial breeze ruffled his hair as he walked through the streets. Though his surroundings told him that he was on a colony, it wasn't any colony that he was familiar with. How was he supposed to find his way out of this when he wasn't even sure how he got there in the first place? How was he supposed to find the other pilots? How was he supposed to protect Relena?

Just then, Heero caught a flash of gold from the corner of his eye. He turned just in time to catch the sight of golden hair disappearing around the corner. _Relena? _He took off in that direction. He rounded the corner just in time to see her disappear behind yet another building. He gave chase once again and came upon a dead end alley. His heart almost stopped. There at the end of the alley was Relena. Or at least in body it was Relena. She looked exactly as he remembered. Her hair was pulled back loosely at the nape of her neck, and she was wearing the white pant suit she had worn at the conference. Her beautiful sky blue eyes were staring into his soul. He felt bare, exposed in front of her, but he didn't feel any warmth or lightness. His heart didn't react in odd ways to this woman's presence. He looked over the person standing in front of him. Physically, she was a good mimic, but it wasn't Relena.

"Who are you?" he asked, his heart sinking into his stomach.

She smiled sweetly at him and moved forward. She stopped just a few inches from him and stared into his eyes. Though the shape and coloring were Relena's, Heero could see that they were old and wise, as though they had seen many ages.

"To be able to recognize a person's soul so keenly is a very powerful and rare connection." she said in an ethereal voice that seemed to echo in his ears.

"Where am I?" Heero then asked, realizing he wasn't going to get a straight forward answer to his first question.

The smile never wavered from her face as she rose to her toes and leaned into him until her lips almost touched his ear.

"Limbo…" she answered softly, "the thin line between life and death."

Heero backed away from her, as if her words burned him. He didn't believe in such things, he had to be imagining this. She didn't seem startled by his actions.

"Why am I here?" He demanded.

"To learn." She answered simply.

"Learn what?" He questioned. He was starting to get frustrated, though he didn't show it.

"I can't answer that. That is for you to find on your own."

"So, what happens now?" He asked.

"That is your choice."

"Hn?" He hadn't been expecting that answer. "Why would you give someone like me a choice?"

"Because there are those who saw good in you… they spoke for you." She answered kindly.

Heero remembered Quatre at his side. He had said something in his language as he held tightly to his wrist.

"Quatre prayed for me." He stated. He could have been mentioning the weather for all the emotion his voice held.

"Yes… he spoke aloud. But don't discount all those who spoke silently, for they were just as powerful."

Heero broke away from her eyes and looked to the ground. He still didn't understand why he would be given a choice. Who was he to make such a decision? Wasn't he a killer? Wasn't death the only thing he had known since childhood? Surely a life like that was damned from the start, wasn't it?

He looked to the woman in front of him again. Sadness had settled over her borrowed features. She reached out to him and the tips of her fingers graced his cheek. Her touch was more like a breeze then a solid form. The feeling sent a chill down his spine.

"You still truly can't see your goodness, can you? You have only lived half a life… and that is why they spoke so powerfully, they could see that." She sighed. "Should you choose to live, I promise you that you will still suffer at times, as this is simply a part of human existence. But I can also promise you that you will be given every opportunity to live a whole, complete life, you only have to take it. Should you choose to die, you will no longer suffer, no longer fear, there will be peace, but you must realize what you will be giving up in return… the choice is yours."

He closed his eyes in thought. Had Heero been asked the question just a few years earlier, his answer would have come easily, but now, even as he gave himself lists of reasons why he didn't deserve to live, all he could see was Relena's face. She was the first person to ever truly care for him, and the only person who hadn't seen him as the weapon, the machine that he had been raised to be, but as a person. She had been his reason for surviving the war, and she was, to this day, the reason why breath still filled his lungs. In her eyes, he always found the will to live. He loved her and, with that, he knew his answer.

He opened his eyes, but Relena' was no longer standing in front of him. He felt searing pain engulf his body as he began to feel heavy. His limbs started to tremble and he looked down at his hands… they were covered in his blood. Crimson stained his clothes as he collapsed to his knees, except there wasn't a ground to fall to anymore. The scenery around him dissolved as he closed his eyes and fell into a free fall.

Heero could hear noises coming from a distance. The hurried movement of feet accompanied by the rustling of plastic and fabric. Frantic voices were shouting indiscernible words as he descended towards the commotion. There was a sound of an electric machine charging as an unbroken, high pitched beep sounded in the background.

"I'm calling it…" a weary voice claimed. "Time of death: 2017."

"No!" He heard Relena shout, accompanied by the sound of a thud and cracking plaster. There was a low guttural cry of frustration and anger.

"Get her out of here." Heero heard the old, unfamiliar voice say with no force.

As the falling sensation ceased, Heero could feel Relena's trembling hands cupping his face and her tears hot against his skin. He took a deep, much needed breath as the machine beeped back to life. His eyelids felt as though they were weighed down, but he still managed to open them partially. He shifted his head slightly to get a better look at Relena's pale, shocked face. He groaned weakly at the pain.

"Heero…" She said, relieved. A smile spread widely across her face and she pressed her forehead to his, crying again.

"Unbelievable…" voices around them murmured, astonished. "Impossible…" and the frantic pace picked up again.

He felt Relena being pulled away from him, and turned to see Duo taking her away with his left arm, his right hand was swollen and bruised.

"Don't worry Heero," she called out to him, "I will be here… I promise."

She vanished from his view. His eyes were pulling closed, his body screaming for rest.

Author's Notes: thank you for indulging me in this chapter… I really hope that I didn't lose any of you in the process, and that it was at least an interesting read. Chapter 3 will pick up with the original plot… please, review!


	3. Chapter 3

What If?

Hey guys! As always, thank you very much for all of your positive reviews, but please don't be afraid to give me some constructive criticism as well… it is how I learn.

Okay… on with the plot. This chapter, I warn you, is mainly a set up chapter for the rest of the story. I hope I don't bore anyone. There is some metical drabble and I may make some mistakes despite my effort and research. To this, all I have to say is: I AM A BAKING AND PASTRY ARTS STUDENT, NOT A MEDIC. I would appreciate any corrections though…

Disclaimers:

Rating: same as last chapter.

There will be multiple POV's, but, as always, the main focus is Heero… and this is still a 1xR (is repeating this every time overkill?)

And sighs I do not own Gundam Wing (once again… overkill)

Chapter 3

The door crept opened, and a young woman with golden hair and eyes like the sky moved into the room carefully and quietly. Though only eighteen, at the moment she appeared much older. Her skin was pale, almost a sickly shade, and her eyes were rimmed with red and slightly puffy. Drawn by the day's events, her features seemed sharper, much more severe. Her brow was creased with worry and, though her posture was impeccable with her chin up, chest out, and shoulders back, she was twisting her hands nervously within each other. She had scrubbed the blood from her hands and face, but her clothes remained unchanged, and were still dark and stained from when she had held _him_ in her arms.

Relena Darlain took a deep breath to compose herself and allowed the image in front of her to register completely in her mind. She felt a weight settle in her heart as she took in the contents of the room… more specifically, the young man that lay unconscious in the bed.

His face was stark white, and his pale lips had a blue hue to them. His wild, chocolate hair fell over his closed eyes, hiding the cold, but beautiful Prussian blue that had so intrigued her since the day they met. He was surrounded by wires that hooked up to various machinery and there were IVs pushing various medicines, fluids, and blood, which he vitally needed, into his body. But the thing that nearly shattered her heart was the plastic tube that was protruding from his mouth, telling her that Heero Yuy was unable to breathe on his own. Never before, not even when he had collapsed in her arms after Mariemaya's coup de ta, had the former Gundam Pilot look so frail, so vulnerable.

Listening to the steady rhythm of the ventilator and heart monitor, she blinked back the tears that were beginning to form and took wary steps that brought her to stand next to his bed. Her unsteady hand rose, hesitating momentarily, before brushing his bangs to the side in order to see his face better. Feeling a little bit more comfortable, she pulled a chair up to his bedside and sat in it. Relena took his hand in hers. Looking down at her hand covering his, she let a small smile grace her features. His skin was warm, and she felt a strength enter her being and pierce her soul. It was the same feeling that she got from Heero anytime he was near her. It was the same feeling she got at every conference she attended in the colonies, always alerting her to his presence. She looked into his face and allowed herself to hope. Heero was still in there somewhere, she could feel it.

Just then, the door opened, and the doctor walked in. He looked at Relena and smiled.

"Sorry," he said, making his way over to the bed, "I just need to check a few things."

Relena nodded her head in acknowledgement, but said nothing. She had spoken with this man enough for one day. He nodded back at her and resumed his work.

"So, Miss Vice Foreign Minister, when are you planning to return to Earth?" He asked after a few minutes, obviously trying to fill the awkward silence.

Relena didn't care much for the conversation, but answered anyway out of politeness.

"I'll be staying here until he wakes up."

The doctor looked back at Relena. His body stiffened and jaw clenched. He thought for a long moment before responding.

"Miss Darlain…" He started with a sympathetic tone. "You did understand what was discussed earlier, didn't you?"

Her grip on Heero's hand tightened slightly. Of course she remembered what the prognosis was. She and the other Gundam Pilots had been waiting a long time for Heero to get out of surgery when the doctor entered the waiting room with that look on his face, the one that you never want to see a doctor express. Relena had prepared herself for the worst, so she was relieved to hear that he was still alive. But that relief didn't last very long, for the very next thing out of the man's mouth was that Heero was in a coma and that, with the extent of the damage and blood loss, he wasn't confident he would come out of it. That news had been a major blow to every person in the room. Relena had almost believed him, almost abandoned hope, but, sitting here now, she was positive that the doctor was mistaken.

"Yes, I am very aware of what was discussed." she said forcefully, giving the doctor a fierce look. _But you don't know Heero… _she added to herself. She turned her eyes, with a much softer gaze, back to Heero.

The doctor opened his mouth as if to say something, but thought better of it. He quickly finished what he started, and turned back to Relena.

"Your time is up." He said coolly. "The ICU is very strict with its visiting times."

She nodded and followed him to the door. There, she stopped and looked back into the room.

"Heero…" she said. "As I promised, I will be here." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she added, "I still believe in you."

With that, she turned and left the room.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

His eyes opened, but he could not register anything but darkness. He blinked a couple of times, allowing his eyes to adjust. He could see the ghostly outlines of furniture and assorted machinery. There was a partially open door, letting in the only bit of light in the room. Heero concluded from his surroundings that he was in a hospital, and almost sighed with relief… his imagination was not running away with him again. This was reality.

The light smell of vanilla and lavender filled his senses as he realized that he wasn't alone in the room. He felt a light weight resting on top of his hand as he caught sight of a sleeping figure, their hand entwined with his and head resting on the bed. The dim light coming from the hallway caught in her hair, illuminating the golden tresses as they cascaded down to her waist. A few stray locks were blocking her face from his view. Heero slid his hand from under hers, his muscles sore and tight from disuse, but hesitated. He instinctively felt the need to quash his urge to touch her.

… _you will be given every opportunity to live a whole, complete life, you only have to take it… _

The ethereal voice floated back into his ears, as if she were standing right next to him. Though he thought it was foolish to indulge the memory, he acted on it. He brought his finger tips to her face, and gently brushed back the hair from her features. The silken strands flowed easily and softly through his fingers as he tucked the locks behind her ear. Relena's sleeping face was now visible to him. Though the look on her face was peaceful, the long, restless days were evident in the deep, purple smudges under her eyes. Her cheeks were sunken, and her body seemed frail, as if she hadn't had a decent meal in weeks. He let himself feel a little guilty, the last thing he wanted was to cause her more stress. Her life wasn't easy as it was.

_How long have I been here? _Heero wondered.

He rested his hand on her face and stroked the line of her cheek bone with his thumb. He could feel himself being drawn in, mesmerized by this beautiful, delicate creature. Heero decided that he could watch her sleep for hours. As he thought that, Relena's even breathing caught in her throat. She took in a deep silent yawn and her eyes fluttered open. He jerked his hand away quickly, wincing slightly at the pain, and those beautiful, sky blue orbs glittered in amusement. Suddenly, her eyes widened and she sat up quick as lightning, realizing that his icy, Prussian glare was not a figment of her imagination.

"Heero…? Heero!" She cried, relief saturating her voice. She jumped from her chair and grasped Heero's hand with both of hers. "Quatre, Trowa, Duo… Wake up!"

Heero heard movement through out the room, as Quatre switched on a lamp light near where he and Trowa had been sharing a couch. Duo practically vaulted from the chair he had taken up in the opposite corner of the room, his long braid swinging wildly behind him, and bounded over to the bed with exuberant energy.

"Hey, Heero! You're awake!" he shouted enthusiastically, clasping his shoulder. Something about this situation seemed mildly familiar…

Quatre and Trowa had joined the other two at the unoccupied side of Heero's bed when the door swung open completely. Standing in the frame was an older, slightly frazzled looking nurse. She eyed the occupants of the room.

"What could be going on at such an ungodly hou…" She gasped at the sight of Heero glaring at her from the bed. "Oh my!… I'm sorry for being so short tempered." She apologized quickly as she completely entered the room and stood with the others near the bed.

Heero only stared icily at her. This was far too many people giving him way too much attention at once, and he was becoming annoyed by it. The fact that his body, with the exception of his arms, seemed to not respond right away to his mind's want to move was annoying him as well. His glare seemed to be making her nervous, as she grabbed the chart at the foot of his bed and began to fumble with her pen.

"You don't have to be nervous," Quatre said, smiling sweetly at the nurse. He gave Heero a stern look as he added, "Heero is not much of a people person."

She smiled weakly at Quatre, and continued taking Heero's vital signs. She took out a small flashlight from her pocket and flashed it in both of his eyes, checking the pupil dilation. She nodded her head positively and continued by asking him to move certain parts of his body. Heero, stiffly, twisted his wrists, wiggled his fingers and rose his arms as high as he could, with her taking notes the whole time. When she asked him to move his right foot, Heero was unable to do so. He willed his foot to respond, but it wasn't working. Determination flared in him, as he strained his body and was finally able to get his right foot to rotate slightly. The attempt left him feeling weaker and breathless, but he forced himself to control his breathing and kept his features in an impassive mask. Though he didn't show it, he knew that the nurse could tell how much the simple movement had taken out of him.

"Why don't we continue when your doctor arrives." She suggested sweetly. She checked her watch. "He'll be here in…"

"No." Heero said, looking at her with no particular expression.

"Alright…" She gave in after a few moments, realizing that he was serious. "Rotate your left foot." She instructed.

He complied and did so with much difficulty. The nurse finished her check up and, after letting them know that the doctor would want to run more tests when he came in at 9 o'clock, excused herself from the room. Heero's body was drained of energy and his eyelids were heavy as lead, but he couldn't let himself sleep yet. There were too many unanswered questions.

"How long have I been here?" He asked, looking at the expectant faces around the room.

Relena had resumed sitting in the chair positioned by the side of his bed. Quatre and Duo were standing at the foot of his bed, and Trowa was leaning up against the wall near the door.

"Almost three weeks. Heero…" came Relena's concerned voice. She was looking unwaveringly into his eyes. "Maybe you should get some rest first."

"No." He answered coolly. He was trying hard to ignore the feelings that her voice was stirring within him.

She opened her mouth to protest and Heero could have smiled. She was just as stubborn as ever.

"There are a lot of questions that need answering." Heero cut in before she could speak.

He watched as hurt flickered briefly in her sky-like eyes and he was taken back to the girl he left crying on the kitchen floor. He hated himself for hurting Relena in the same way, but he couldn't figure out how to keep himself from doing so. It seemed that he was always leaving her hurt or crying.

"Have you all been here since that night?" Heero asked.

"Except for Relena… no." Answered Trowa. Heero suppressed the guilty feeling that swelled in his chest as Trowa continued. "The rest of us have been in hiding… keeping a low profile while we look for the person or organization that attempted to kill you. All of us, except for Wufei who offered to stay at the Preventors Headquarters to keep an eye on things, came back here a couple of days ago when Relena called to inform us that you had healed enough to breathe on your own again."

"Why didn't you lay low as well?" Heero directed his question to Relena. "It's too dangerous."

She looked down to her lap where she was twisting her hands nervously. When she looked back up, there was an indiscernible emotion in her eyes.

"Because I promised you I would…" She answered quietly. Her words hit him hard, but before he could say anything, she continued. "You don't have to worry, Wufei and the Preventors took care of my cover. They checked me out of my hotel and put me in another under an assumed name. According to records, I am back on Earth in some remote location as I deal with… your death."

He considered her last words for a moment before continuing.

"Can I assume that my name is on a death certificate somewhere?" He asked the room.

"The Preventors were able to convince the hospital to falsify your medical record. They kept the time called when you flat-lined in the ER as your time of death." Trowa answered impassively.

Heero noticed Duo visibly wince and vaguely remembered that he had been there. That was when he noticed the American's right hand was bound in plaster.

"What happened?" He asked Duo, indicating the cast.

"Had a little run in with a wall…" He answered with a wide grin on his face. "Cracked a few knuckles, fractured a bone in my hand… Ya know, between you and me, the wall definitely lost that fight." Duo laughed.

Heero shook his head slowly, as if he were disgusted by the story. Inwardly, though, he was happy to see his friend in a better mood. Happy-go-lucky suited Duo.

"What about the assassin? Do we know anything about him? Has he made another move?" Heero interrogated as he suppressed the overwhelming fatigue that suddenly seized his body.

"We don't know anything." Quatre answered, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. "He made no new moves, no threats. He expertly covered his tracks… I can only assume that he is waiting for a good opportunity to present itself. Heero, can't any of this wait until later, it's 4:12 in the morning…"

"No." He answered, but, even as the words came from his mouth, his eyes began to lower.

He heard Relena sigh as she laid her hand over his, stroking the back with her thumb. Heero looked at her, but was too tired to try and repress any emotions. She smiled at him, and he let the corners of his mouth lift upwards slightly. Her eyes lit up at the simple action, and Heero fell asleep as warmth spread through his body.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

The man sat at his desk, looking over the report that had just been handed to him with a satisfied grin on his face. Everything was falling into place just as he had hoped it would. The little problem that was obstructing his plans was solved. He looked up at the man that had presented the sheets of paper.

"This is good." He said to his companion. "Heero Yuy is dead, and the other Gundam Pilots are in hiding, keeping a low profile. We can continue with the objective."

He looked over to the large man in the corner. The assassin was well built, and intimidating, but the youthful look to his features led him to believe that he couldn't be too much older then twenty. His face was contorted into a cruel, chilling expression that sent shivers down his spine. The man wondered, once again, if it had been wise to use this particular assassin.

"I had a perfect opportunity to complete the objective when I was sent after the target, Yuy. I don't understand why you wouldn't let me." He spit in a harsh voice.

"Patience… timing is of the utmost importance in this plan." He answered calmingly. "Besides, I did allow you to have fun with Yuy… didn't I?"

The assassin's mouth twisted into a sick smile as his eyes lit with pleasure at the memory of the Japanese Pilot's slaughter. A wave of nausea hit the man watching the change in expression. He would have preferred Yuy being taken out quickly and cleanly, but he knew that he had to do something to satisfy the man in front of him. Letting him kill the "Perfect Soldier" in any way he wished, he knew, would give him some of that satisfaction.

He looked down at the medical report again. His death had been brutal. Though he was the fiercest, strongest warrior due to his upbringing and training, he was still, in essence, a child, not much older then his own. The pain… the slow suffering he must have felt… it wasn't a death he would wish on someone. He pushed the medical records out of his sight, this was going to get him what he wanted.

He looked back to the assassin melting into the shadows.

_How is such a psychopath born… _

Author's notes: Hey guys… chapter 3 complete! And now I need some suggestions … I don't really like the title for this story. This title went along with what I had originally had in mind for the plot, but as I wrote the first chapter the plot kind of changed itself. The stories I write tend to do that to me (I was just as much an innocent bystander as any of you when an assassin plunged a knife into Heero's back). So help me rename my story!

Thank you for reading, on to chapter 4... Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

What If?

Hey guys! Thank you so much for your positive reviews… it has been a very difficult weak for me and seeing your reviews put a smile on my face.

So here goes another boring chapter… this is mainly for plot and character development… a small portion of this will contain Wufei's POV, and to some of you it will seem OOC. I feel like he grew a lot by the end of Endless Waltz, and so I made this character how I see him maturing through the years following.

Disclaimers:

Rating: same

POV's have a tendency to change and it's still a 1xR… if you no like, you no read… got it?

I don't own GW, or it's characters… but if you feel I stole something, by all means, suit me for all of the 38.49 in my bank account.

Chapter 4

The young, Asian man brought the brim of his hat lower over his eyes as he made his way through the busy spaceport. His keen sight scanned the area around him, taking in his surroundings. If his former life as a Gundam Pilot hadn't taught him to always be aware of his environment, then his training as a Preventor Agent definitely had. He continued his advancement toward the exit. He pushed through the door, reaching the inner confines of the colony. No sooner then he left the building did he catch the sight of three familiar figures walking toward him. Though they were all wearing disguises, as he was, he would know those three anywhere. He intentionally knocked his shoulder into the tall, lean one walking in the closest proximity to him. He caught the young man's one visible eye with his.

"Wufei." He said as the emerald green registered the familiar face. The other two stopped walking as they noticed the exchange between the former Pilots.

"You shouldn't be here together… it makes you all easy targets." Wufei replied firmly.

"Hey, you betta watch it Wufei, people might start to think that you actually care." Duo said with heavy sarcasm.

Wufei sighed. He did care… he just didn't like to show it outright the way Quatre did. His strict, formal upbringing was a major part of why he was so reluctant to display such emotions so plainly. During the war, he had suppressed those feelings, afraid that they would effect his ability to complete his missions. He had thought that he and Heero were the similar in those days, but as the years passed, he realized just how incorrect that belief was. As Wufei was able to mature emotionally through the years, Heero seemed unable to. And not just unable to grow, he also seemed unable to identify his emotions and connect them to situations he was in, but Wufei knew that he wasn't completely cold either. He knew Heero to have just as kind and gentle a soul as his exterior was cold and emotionless, because he had been the one to pull Wufei out of the fog of rage that had so consumed him just two years ago.

_How many more people must we kill? How many more times must I kill that little girl and her dog… _

The overwhelming grief in his voice had made Wufei realize just how much suffering the war had caused everyone… even Heero. He knew then that as long as the war continued, people's suffering would continue, and he didn't want to be the cause of that suffering he could hear in his comrade's voice. Wufei didn't know much about Heero's past, as he never confided in anyone, but he understood that whatever had happened to him was what caused Heero to shut everything out and remain detached.

"Speaking of laying low… what are _you_ doing here Wu-man?"

Wufei's eyebrow twitched at the sound of Duo's ridiculous nickname for him. He valued his friendship with all of the Pilots, as they all kept in touch over the years… even Heero, but Duo often made it difficult for him to not throw something at the braided man. Duo simply referred to their sometimes violent relationship as a "different" kind of fondness for each other. The surprising thing was that Wufei secretly agreed.

"Lady Une wishes to speak with Heero about the attempt on his life… and to offer him protection at Preventor Headquarters." He answered matter-of-factly.

"Couldn't another agent have handled this?" Trowa asked curiously.

"I didn't trust anyone for this." He stated curtly.

"You wanted an excuse to visit Heero and see if he was alright, didn't you?" Quatre asked knowingly.

Wufei was only mildly surprised by the Arab as he averted his eyes. Truth be told, he was worried about Heero. The last time he had seen him, he was bleeding to death outside the restaurant. What bothered Wufei most about it was that Heero didn't seem to care, or at least he didn't show it. It was like he had given up… was just waiting for Death to take him. He knew that it was bothering the other Pilots as well.

"I'm worried about him too… I know that he only fought off Death because Relena was there with him, but what if she hadn't been?" Quatre questioned, as Trowa placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I don't think that he ever placed any kind of value on his life. Not just that, but he also seems more lost and confused lately… there's something else going on, but he won't let us in."

Wufei put a mental note on the conversation. He knew Quatre to be an extremely observant person, and any information that he received from him was reliable.

"Yeah…" Duo agreed in a melancholy voice as he absentmindedly stroked his long braid. The pain in his cobalt eyes seemed to reach much deeper then his humor had just moments ago.

Wufei nodded his head towards the three young men in a symbolic "Good bye". He left, Quatre's comment about Relena swirling through his mind.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

Heero sat at the edge of the bed after his doctor gave him the final look over before releasing him. He crossed his arms over his chest impatiently as all the necessary paperwork was being filled out. All he wanted to do was leave this hell hole. He had been here, conscious, for more then a month and a half now, and was beginning to feel uneasy. He usually never stayed in one place for long periods of time.

After the weeks of healing and physical therapy, Heero had regained full function of his left leg, but his right leg was still giving him some problems. It was truly frustrating when it would become stiff and difficult to move, or when his leg went completely numb and wouldn't even hold his weight anymore. His other injuries were all almost completely healed. Other then the obvious nerve damage, he had lost a kidney, and suffered a punctured diaphragm, along with a few other very minor injuries. The nerve damage was what troubled him the most… he could live without one of his kidneys and his diaphragm was in proper working order again, but if he couldn't move his body well, then he would have to rely on others to help him. This was something that Heero didn't want. The most infuriating thing is when others treat him like he is about to break. It seemed like only Relena didn't treat him like he was incapable lately.

He let his lips quirk into a semi smile at that one. He would have thought that she, out of everyone else, would be the one to treat him with over attentiveness. But she was always encouraging him to do things on his own when she knew he could, or when he wouldn't have it any other way. There were those times when even he couldn't deny the fact that he needed help and was too ashamed or embarrassed to ask for it. He wasn't sure what he did differently at those times, but she still seemed to know, and would always ask permission before "lending him a hand", which was what she called it. She really had become a good friend to him. But that is as far as he was going to let it go. She didn't need anything more from him.

_Let her in…_ came a very feminine voice.

Heero snapped his head up and looked around the room. He was alone. He shook his head to get the unease out of his mind. The voice seemed so real… then there was a knock at the door. Heero got up from the bed, with only a little stiffness, and went to open the door. It was Relena. He was… surprised, to say the least. He thought she had already left for Earth.

"What are you doing here, Relena?" He asked monotonically.

"I…"

She was cut off by a coughing noise near the door where his doctor was standing with Wufei. Heero had been expecting him.

"Everything is taken care of, you are good to go." The doctor said, then his features turned into a disapproving look. "You really should be using that cane I gave you… Your body is still healing, and pushing yourself will only keep you from healing properly."

Heero could see Relena having difficulty suppressing a laugh as Wufei, though still scowling, was clearly amused by the look in his eyes. People who knew Heero knew that he didn't know how to not push it.

"I'll be fine." Heero assured the doctor, giving him a warning glance not to push the matter.

The doctor smiled and muttered something. Heero caught "…gets that glare from." and this time, Heero saw Wufei actually crack a small smile from where he was standing in the doorway.

He shook his head, bemused, and left as Heero stared after the retreating white coat.

"What was that about?" Heero wondered aloud, sounding more board then curious.

"Apparently, he thinks a little of you is rubbing off on Relena…" Wufei answered.

That was not something Heero wanted to hear. The last thing Relena should ever be is like him.

"Are you ready to go?" Wufei asked.

"Hn." Heero nodded and moved towards the doorway. When he noticed that Relena wasn't moving, he turned back to see her staring down at the floor.

Her hair was tightly pulled back into a high ponytail, but the length still fell past her mid back. She was wearing a flowing, blue cotton skirt that came down just past her knees. Her shirt was a simple white tank top, as it was warm out, and she wore matching blue and white, toe thong flip-flops. She was obviously dressed for comfort during the long shuttle ride back to Earth.

Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and Heero had to work to keep his breath even. She looked so beautiful as the light pink turned a shade deeper from his stare. She twisted her slender, delicate hands together… a motion that Heero had come to know as a habit when she was nervous or embarrassed.

"What." Was all he could get out without betraying his emotions.

"I was just… wondering," she paused, probably not sure how to continue. "Where are you going to go after you leave Preventor's Headquarters?"

"A safe house." He answered truthfully. Heero could see Wufei watching the exchange with some interest.

"Will I know where you are?" She asked very quietly, still staring at her flip-flops.

"Relena…"

"You could always stay with her." Wufei cut in suddenly.

Heero turned, shocked, to face the Chinese Preventor. Relena nearly toppled over from such an unexpected proposition. Wufei himself seemed a little surprised that the words actually came from his mouth, but recovered quickly.

"Yeah…" He said, as though he were trying to convince himself as well. "That could work out well. She lives close to HQ, we know her and can obviously trust her, her house is under constant guard…" He said this last bit as though it were an after thought to his original suggestion.

"I don't think that's such a good idea…" Heero said almost immediately, but, inwardly, he was thinking, _What if I attract more danger? I can't expose Relena to that._

Before he made that statement, Relena had had a small smile on her face, but it instantly disappeared at his comment and returned her gaze to the floor. Heero felt his chest tighten a little. Why did he hate disappointing her so much?

"I think that it'll be safe." Wufei said, the scowl returning to his face. "After all… the people after us think that _you're_ dead, Heero."

He looked back to Relena… and decided that he at least wanted to _try_ to not hurt others feelings anymore.

"Okay.." Heero said.

Relena brought her head back up again with a guarded half smile on her lips. Heero felt heat beginning to rise within him, but quickly extinguished it before it became uncontrollable. She made her way out of the room and Heero stood to follow her, when his leg gave out on him. He leaned against the doorframe, putting all of his weight on his left side. Relena, quickly noticing that Heero wasn't following them, turned back.

"You coming?" she asked. Understanding crossed her features almost instantly, and put a sweet smile on as she walked back to him. "Need a hand?" she offered in a low voice so no one else could here. "May I?" She questioned, moving closer, offering her body for support.

Heero only closed his eyes submissively, a silent signal that she had his permission. She snaked an arm around his waist as he slung his arm across her shoulders. He felt a little bit indignant as they slowly made their way back down the hospital hallway. Her felt Relena pull him in a little tighter, making that warmth flood his body once again. He had to work harder to push it back this time.

_Let her in… Let me come back…_ He heard that voice again.

Author's Notes: Well… that's chapter 4... I wanted to post chapter 5 at the same time cuz they compliment each other well, but chapter 5 has a little bit of work to be done, so I'll post 4 now and hopefully post 5 in the next day or so… I hope you enjoyed it! Please Review!


	5. Chapter 5

What If?

I'm updating twice in one weekend… I must be feeling productive. Well, I didn't love my fourth chapter and am hoping that this one goes much better and is more satisfying. In 5, we get to see the plot leap forward a bit… finally, as well as the beginning to some action… and anyone who has read my story "Creatures of Darkness" knows that I can get pretty descriptive with my action scenes. Blame it on all of my martial arts training… please enjoy. (P.S. if you want to better understand the mindset that I was in, then listen to "The Stone" by Ashes Divide… it was the song I listened to while writing it.)

Disclaimers:

Rating: same

Pairings, POV's, language: same… nothing new.

I do not own anything relating to Gundam Wing… except for my stories and imaginings… I think you should know that by now… I also do not own "The Stone" by Ashes Divide… but I think that that is obvious as well…

oOOo scene change

-IoIoIoIoIoI- POV change

Chapter 5

_He was walking through a field… a red field. It was not natural, but stained. Stained by the hundreds, maybe thousands of mangled and twisted corpses that littered it. The smell of blood and rotting flesh was combined with gunpowder as he continued to journey through, what he knew to be, his hell. It was the aftermath of a battle, and he knew that every body that lay cold and motionless amidst the crimson grass was placed their by his hands. He had been here many times before. This was his punishment for all of the blood he shed in his short, pathetic excuse for a life. He had to visit all those whose death he caused every night in his sleep._

_He walked with his head down, his chocolate hair matted with blood from his many battles. His hands, his body, his clothes… forever drenched in the odd warmth of the freshly spilt crimson liquid. The Prussian blue of his eyes were cold, hard, uncaring, unfeeling… soulless. He acknowledged the faces of the many soldiers, some he recognized from executing them face to face, others he had never seen before. Nameless, like him. As he kept walking he noticed that soldiers suddenly turned into civilian corpses. Men, women, even children all dead because of him, and he couldn't feel anything._

_He stopped when he came to the body of a small girl, a little dog curled by her side lifelessly. She wore a white dress with a blue sash and matching sun hat. In her limp hand, she held a small yellow flower. His heart gave a violent squeeze. The action was foreign to him at first, but then he began to recognize the guilt, the sadness, and the empty hopelessness that settled in his gut. He brought his hands into his line of vision. They were red with blood and shaking in front of him, unable to control the convulsions that suddenly wracked his body. He tried to wipe them off on his equally bloody clothing, a vain attempt to keep his guilt from consuming him._

_He lifted his head and caught the eye of a girl, a living girl, and recognized her immediately. It was _her_… his likeness. She was standing only a step or two away from the same corpse where he had stopped. Her Prussian eyes, so much like his, were filled with the guilt and sadness he felt, but could not express. They shimmered with unshed tears for all who lay dead in the field. She looked up from the lifeless form in front of them and looked deeply and purposefully into his eyes, ignoring his blood streaked features._

"_I'm… s-sorry…" She choked, the first tear escaping from the rim of her eye and traveling over her cheek down to her chin. "I never wanted to… kill a-anyone."_

_The rest of her repressed tears began to cascade down her face as she dropped to her knees, in much the same way she had in the kitchen that day. He stood, confused. Why dose she feel guilty? All this was caused by him and him alone… she did nothing and therefore should not suffer._

"_Please, I won't survive this much longer…" She pleaded, looking back to the small girl and her dog. "… I just want my family, my friends." She continued to cry. _

_Before he could ask her what she meant by this, she threw her head back and a shrill, blood-curdling scream ripped from her throat…_

oOOo

Heero jolted awake and bolted into an upright position, his likeness' scream still echoing in his ears. He sat for just a moment, letting his breath even.

This reoccurring nightmare started a couple of years ago, but the presence of his likeness was a new occurrence. She appeared for the first time a couple of weeks ago, doing nothing more then just standing there, looking at him sadly. But as the nights passed, she started sinking lower and lower into desperation. This was the first time she actually screamed out. At first, he thought that, with all that had happened to him, her presence was normal, but now it was beginning to frighten him.

Once his breath slowed to a normal pace, he took in his surroundings out of habit. He was in one of Relena's guest bedrooms. The room was comfortably decorated, not overly gaudy, but still stylish with the basic bedroom needs, a wardrobe, dresser, two side tables (one near his bedside and one in the opposite corner of the room holding a lamp), and the Queen sized bed he slept in. The coloring was done in neutral tones of beiges, tans, and browns, most likely so anyone staying here would feel comfortable regardless of who. Relena didn't live in the mansion she had back when she was the sovereign, but it was still a decent sized house. Downstairs there was a fairly large living room, small dining area, and the kitchen. Upstairs were three bedrooms, two guest and Relena's, and one full bath. He has been here for almost a week now, so brining up a mental floor plan wasn't difficult in the least.

Heero felt much more relaxed once he was finished mentally mapping out Relena's house. The early morning light spilled into the room from the open window, giving the walls an orangey-yellow hue. He looked over to the clock at his bedside. It was almost 7, and Heero knew that Relena was expected to attend a conference later this morning. Not wanting to run into timing issues, he decided that now was a good time to use the bathroom.

He pushed the cream colored sheets off his legs and stood. He wobbled slightly, but then began walking, only his slightly slower speed betrayed the difficulty in his steps. He made it to the bathroom in a few short strides and immediately went to the sink. He supported his weight against the counter for a few moments before turning the faucet on. He splashed the refreshing, cool water against his face and took a deep breath. He brought himself back to a standing position to examine his appearance in the mirror. He almost fell over at the sight.

It wasn't his reflection staring back at him, but _her_. Right where he should be standing was the girl who has been haunting him since that night a few months ago. Before Heero knew what he was doing, he felt his fist make contact with the cold smooth surface, shattering her. He closed his eyes as he felt shards slicing into his knuckles. He withdrew his now bleeding hand and cautiously looked back to the mirror. Only his fractured image stared back. His eyes, harder and colder then before.

_You have to understand…_ she said.

A sudden mix of voices and emotions swirled through his mind.

_Oh no… Heero!_ … Quatre.

_Aw, come on man, I know you love her…_ Duo.

_Who did this?_… Trowa.

_You could always stay with her… _Wufei.

The voices of the Gundam Pilots continued to ring in his mind, always expressing concerns or attempting to break through his exterior. Indiscernible emotions continued to pummel him. What's happening?

_You need to understand… _she soothed.

_Understand what!_

"Heero… Heero!?" came Relena's voice this time, brining a completely different set of emotions with her. She sounded so real to Heero, but was she? How can he tell? "What's wrong Heero?"

That was it… this was too much for him to handle. Heero took every emotion and every voice, real or not, and pushed them all back as far as he could. Farther then he ever had before. Then he felt nothing. Truly felt nothing.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

Relena was standing at her closet trying to decide between suits when she heard a crash. She stood there for a moment, waiting to hear something… anything to tell her that nothing serious just happened. After a few long moments of silence, panic overcame her and she left her room still clad in her night shirt and shorts. She noticed the bathroom light on and ran the short distance, wrenching the door open. There, standing in front of her, was Heero, his hand bleeding. Every muscle in his body was tight and strained, and there was a far off look in his eyes. The mirror he was staring into was shattered.

"Heero… Heero!?" she said as her fear deepened. "What's wrong Heero?"

She saw him slowly move his hands up to his ears while sinking to his knees with equal speed. Her heart pounded in her chest, not believing she was seeing this. Heero was kneeling on the ground with the palms of his hands firmly pressed against his ears. The only equivalent she could come up with to better describe the sight in front of her was that of a broken child, desperately trying to cut out the world he can't understand. She moved toward him, trying not to startle him while avoiding the little splinters of reflective glass that littered the floor. She reached out and touched his shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Heero… Heero look at me." She said softly, but he appeared to not be listening.

She moved a little closer, moving to sit up on her knees by his side. She shook him gently. He just stayed unmoving and unblinking. She felt her heart dive into her stomach and she took his other shoulder in her free hand and turned his upper body to face her. What she saw had her near hyperventilation. Heero's eyes were wide and blank. Not cold and hard or guarded, but blank. Like there was nothing there. He was breathing slowly and deeply, but there was no life.

"Heero!" she exclaimed, drawing their bodies closer together until her face was nearly touching his. "Heero… look at me!"

She slid her hands up his arms, laying them over his, and forced his eyes to meet hers.

"Please look at me…" She said in a softer, tearful tone, earning no response.

She moved her face closer to his until her cheek was resting against his. "Please don't do this Heero…" she whispered, tears spilling from her sky eyes, running hot against his cool skin. "…don't do this… I love you." She moved her head so that her forehead was resting against his, her eyes connecting with his. "I love you… come back to me… I can't lose you again…"

She stared, searched for something, anything that would tell her that he was alright, that he was going to come out of this catatonic state. Her body was beginning to tremble from anticipation when she saw his eyes come back into focus. He blinked a couple of times as the life slowly returned to his features. She was so happy and relieved that she drew him into her arms. Before she realized her actions, she lightly brushed her lips against his.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

He felt like he was waking up slowly. First, his body began to register that there were hands covering his and something warm pressed against his forehead. Then his senses became aware of the familiar vanilla and lavender scent. His eyes came back to focus, and he thought he was gazing into the sky. He blinked a couple of times, and realized that he was actually staring into Relena's teary eyes. Her face lit and he felt himself being enveloped by her warm embrace. He let himself settle into her arms, then she pulled away slightly, grazing his lips with her own in the simplest of caresses.

At first, Heero didn't know how to react. He felt warmth invade his body, and his first instinct was to pull away, but he didn't want to. His body responded, slowly beginning to move his lips against hers. When she reciprocated his movements, he placed his hands, hesitantly, on either side of her waist and pulled her off her heals and closer to him. He rose onto his knees as well and wound his arms around her waist, pulling her body flat against his. He felt her arms tighten around his neck, her hands entwining in his hair, pulling him closer to her.

He felt her gasp as one hand began to trace up along her spine and took the opportunity to deepen his explorations. He slid his tongue into her mouth as his hand tangled with the long, silken locks at the back of her head. She moaned appreciatively, and the sound sent enticing shivers down his spine. The warmth that was consuming him settled in his stomach where it began to burn. She matched the boldness of his movements as one hand was removed from his hair and slowly traced over the bare skin of his chest and stopped at his abdomen, just above his hip. The slow burning sensation in the pit of his stomach roared into a sudden inferno, and, startled, he pulled back, breaking their heated kiss. Chest heaving and heart pounding, he looked at her, questions, he knew, were evident on his face. She smiled at him, breathless, as her fingers lightly teased the sensitive strip of flesh between his hip and navel. More delicious shivers moved through his body as he took his hand from the back of her head, resting it on the side of her face. He traced along her cheek with his thumb and it left a deep red smudge in its wake.

He pulled his hand away from her quickly, like he'd been burned. He drew farther away from her until he no longer felt her contact. Heero looked over the rest of her body and realized that he had left a bloody trail from her waist to her cheek, even her golden hair glistened crimson where he touched it. She put her fingertips to her cheek, her eyes filled with hurt. She seemed startled when she withdrew a reddened hand, but then realization donned on her and she reached out and took his bleeding hand within hers.

"Lets get this cleaned up Heero." Relena said sweetly.

He jerked his hand out of her grasp and averted his eyes. The ironic symbolism was too much for him to ignore. He was tainted… he is dangerous. He can't let himself get close to her, it would put her at risk. What if he hurt her? What if… he wouldn't let it get far enough to find out. When he looked back, her eyes were gazing at the hands twisting in her lap. Her hair fell over her shoulders in blonde curtains, blocking her face from his view.

"I'm sorry." She said and quickly stood and left the room.

oOOo

Heero paced the floor of the living room. There was something wrong and he couldn't place his finger on it.

Relena left an hour earlier then what was necessary to make it to the conference on time. But what bothered him wasn't the fact that she was obviously trying to avoid him (or so he was telling himself). What was bothering him was the fact that since her departure, he had made several attempts to get a good trace on the assassin and couldn't come up with one. True, he hadn't been able to do so at any other time either, but he still felt like he should be making some kind of progress by now. Maybe he was looking at this the wrong way. Or maybe he needed to be distracted for a while, you know, that theory about coming up with solutions through distractions. Who said that again? Heero couldn't tell you, because his mind was racing with far too many possibilities to think straight.

He grabbed the remote sitting on the table with his bandaged hand and flipped on the television. That should be a good enough distraction. He flipped through mindless show after mindless infomercial, not able to register the images on the screen, his mind was still moving faster then he could keep up with, and his outward appearance of calm, cool, and collected had long since abandoned him. Now he was actually glad that Relena left early. Seeing him this bothered might worry her too much.

He flung the remote onto the couch and resumed his pacing from one end of the room to the other. A familiar voice caught his attention and Heero looked back to the television screen. He had absentmindedly left it on a political broadcast network of some kind, and the station was playing a clip from a conference where Relena was addressing the audience. In fact, it was a clip from the conference she was at the night he was stabbed. The T.V. had his full attention now.

"… That was a clip from the last speech made by Vice Foreign Minister Darlain before taking a leave of absence to deal with the murder of a close, personal friend of hers more then two months ago. She is expected to make her return today at the Universal Conference, with representatives from every region on Earth as well as the Colonies. Major issues will be addressed, such as, how to regulate laws with equal punishments and restrictions through out the Unified Nations… This is still just a fledgling Government, and it requires much attention and care in order to make sure that it will continue down the right path.'… That quote was taken from Darlain at a press conference just a few days ago. The young Vice Foreign Minister to the Colonies is very well known for her ability to draw peoples attention to her cause with eloquent and passionate speeches." The anchorwoman finished and, with a smile, turned back to her co-anchor. "And that ability will certainly be tested today won't it, Matt?" The older man returned her smile and said. "It most definitely will, Dianne, but you have to wonder if she is ready to step back into the political arena after such an extended absence… and you also have to take into account the tragic reasons for it. Is she going to be stable enough to make correct decisions after witnessing…"

Heero turned off the television with a disgusted click. If anyone was going to make the right decisions today, it will be Relena. How people were still able to question her was beyond him.

He frowned. With such a large gathering of important political leaders, he was sure that the security measures would be extensive. He shouldn't be worrying about it, but he was. After all, that was what he thought before testing out the security at her last conference, and was shocked to find it so lax. He knew that there would be many Preventor Agents there as well, but Wufei wouldn't be there, he was confined to desk work by Une until further notice, and that only made him worry more. He didn't know or trust any of the other Agents, and they couldn't be as well trained or thorough as he or Wufei. But he was supposed to be in hiding.

After some mental debate, Heero decided that it couldn't hurt to scan the perimeter at least. With his decision final, he made his way into the warmth of the late morning. He looked at his watch. He had less then fifteen minutes until the beginning of the conference. If he hurried he might make it on time. He looked around and noticed Relena's car in the driveway. He took a deep breath and prayed that she never found out.

oOOo

After Heero found the car keys, it took him about fourteen minutes to get to the conference hall. He already felt a little bit of the anxiety from earlier begin to ease just by standing in the parking lot. He stealthily made his way to the perimeter of security, and found its weak spots fairly easily. Even taking his extensive training into consideration, he still thought it to be a little too easy.

After seeing the weakness in the perimeter, he decided to veer off his original plan and do a thorough check of the systems in place. He was about halfway through his inspection when he heard Relena's voice come on through the speakers. He stopped and smiled. How this woman continued to inspire such a protective nature in him, he wasn't sure, but he was oddly comforted by the fact that she did.

Just as he was about to begin walking again, something out of place caught his eye. A door to his left was a little ajar, and he was sure that he could see something in the shadows. Heero, despite the difficulty in getting his leg to respond as well as it used to, moved quickly to the door and pulled it open completely. Laying motionless on the floor were two Preventor Agents. Heero bent down to check their pulses. Dead. Both of their necks were broken cleanly. He checked them for their weapons. Gone. He cursed his stupidity in not brining his own weapon. Behind the bodies, he saw a hidden stair case that the two may have been guarding.

Slowly, he ascended the steps. His senses became acutely aware of his surroundings as his muscles tensed, his body poised to take out anything he deemed a threat. His mind knew nothing but his mission. He was not human, but a tool for destruction. He was, once again, the perfect weapon he was raised to be. As he came upon the landing, Heero hid himself among the shadows and looked around for the offender. He was on some kind of private observation room or balcony that gave the occupant a perfect view of the room below. It was large, and a whole story above the other balconies in the hall that were overlooking the arena below, where the conference continued… it was obviously designed for a ruler of some kind.

Just then, Heero caught the glint of light reflecting off metal. He looked in the direction it came from and saw a shadow of a man, strategically hidden by shadows and curtains, on the opposite end of the room from him. He steadied a sniper rifle on the railing, finger poised to pull the trigger, and seeker trained on the speaker… on Relena.

He was moving before he realized it. Running in the direction of the shooter, but his leg wasn't cooperating the way it should. He wasn't moving fast enough. He pushed himself harder, stretched his limits as far as he could. It wasn't enough. He reached out his hand for the barrel, but just before his fingertips made contact with the smooth metal, he heard the high pitched whine of a bullet passing through a silencer. He was too late.

_I failed…_ was Heero's only thought.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

Authors Notes: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I had no where else to leave this part of the story… please don't hurt me…

I tried really hard to make this chapter as intriguing and understandable as I could, and I'm sorry if I failed at that or if some parts seem a little robotic or dry… oh yeah, this was my first attempt at writing such an intimate scene between two characters, so I would like to get some feed back on it… I really hope that you enjoyed it. Please review.


	6. Chapter 6

What If?

I do not own Gundam Wing

Chapter 6

_I failed… _

Heero tightened his grip on the smooth metal of the gun's shaft. He wrenched the weapon from the unsuspecting assailant's hands and brought it's butt back down to connect with his skull. With a sickening crack, the assassin crumpled to the floor.

He stood there with his fists clenched tightly at his sides, taking slow even breaths. He failed, he knew it. He couldn't protect her, he was too weak. The sounds of panic and chaos from the stadium below reached his ears, but didn't register. He was too busy trying to school himself back into the emotionless state he had been raised to keep. He was failing miserably.

Heero's mind kept traveling back to the moment they shared only a few hours ago. He ran his free hand through his messy locks. When did he start letting his emotions rule him like this? He needed to get his act together and secure the assassin. He had to flag down a Preventer agent and get him off the premises at once, but first he would have to face the cold hard truth: Relena is gone.

After a few long moments, he gathered himself together and looked over to the stage.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

Relena, with a sigh, settled a little farther into the comfortable leather seats of the limo. She purposefully left her home an hour early and gave her driver orders to take the longest way he knew to the Hall.

Something about the car calmed her. The slight vibrations from the engine motor and the gentle rocking motion from the constant movement eased her tension, allowing her to relax. She was always able to think a little clearer when she was in such a comfortable state. Also, it was a safe place for her to just think. Look out the window as the scenery passes by and let her mind wander. She came up with some of her best ideas this way.

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Try as she might, she just couldn't get the image of Heero out of her mind. Something was seriously wrong.

First, he becomes catatonic for some reason she was unaware of. Then, after he pulled himself out of it, they kissed, and it wasn't just some kiss. It was something so much more. Deep and unyielding, passionate and so unlike Heero. Almost as if he had let himself go, only to end it abruptly. Her head had spun from all of the emotions and sensations, clouding her mind, but looking back on it now she could see the confusion and anger is his eyes. He looked as though he felt he betrayed something. Her heart wrenched at that thought.

As she let her mind wander, she could see things begin to fall into place, like pieces of a puzzle. Even before he began living with her, Heero had started acting differently. Though he never really had let anyone in before, he seemed to be pushing everyone out with more force lately. He also had a colder tone to his voice. Even his eyes seemed more distant then usual. And, even more worrisome, whatever was going on seemed to be effecting him physically as well. His progress was regressing, rather then improving. He walked a little slower and, once, even his good leg gave out on him. This was serious, and he needed help, but how was she supposed to get close enough to gain his trust?

Relena knew that crowding or pushing him would only cause him to become more detached. Should she be clinical about it? He may respect her opinion more if she wasn't blubbering on about her feelings. She didn't believe that Heero truly felt emotions were only a weakness, and she knew that he was capable of feeling them as well as act on them. He did, however, think that they were unnecessary for a soldier. But did Heero know how to not be a soldier? Dose he know how to let emotions effect him?

It is questions like those that scare her the most.

She felt the limo slow and come to a stop. They had finally reached her destination. Unfortunately, figuring out how to best help Heero would have to wait until after the conference.

Relena stepped out of the vehicle and was immediately being led into the building by Preventer agents and security guards. Normally, she would protest such an overprotective step, but this was a high profile meeting and was sure that it would only be a waste of breath.

Once she was in the building, her security detail was narrowed down to one Preventer agent who would accompany her through the conference. The two made their way to the conference hall in silence. Just as they were about to enter the room, a security guard came barreling through the doors and knocked into Relena. She toppled to the floor, brief case and all.

"I'm so sorry Miss Vice Foreign Minister!" He immediately apologized, the Peventer agent gave him a dirty look as he leaned over to help her up.

"It's quite alright." Relena assured him as she took his hand.

He hauled her up and scooped up the brief case before she could make a move for it. He handed it to her with a smile on his face. His eyes were a nice shade of stone gray and was very handsome with sharp, angular features, dark hair, and an olive skin tone. He was tall and had a large, muscular build.

Relena had a hard time repressing a shudder as she retrieved her brief case from his hand. Though his smile was charming and his voice was warm and kind, something in his eyes left her feeling very cold.

"Good luck." He said with a wink and walked away.

She shook her head and forced herself to concentrate on her upcoming speech. She walked into the large hall trailing behind the Preventer agent. Being so early, there were very few people besides herself and her guard in the room. Taking her seat, she opened her brief case and fished out all of the necessary papers and documents and began preparing herself for any debate that may arise from her suggestions. Judging by the diversity and sheer numbers of those in attendance, she was pretty sure that there may be quite a few delegates opposed.

Relena had been so focused on her work that she almost jumped when she heard a voice come on over the microphone announcing that the conference was beginning. He gave an introductory speech to the now packed room before he informed the group that Relena would be taking the microphone first. That was news to her. She was expecting to have her say closer to the end, but, nevertheless, she rose gracefully from her seat and took her position at the podium.

Just before she began to speak, she felt it. That overwhelming strength that had comforted her in meetings so many times before. She felt relaxed, safe. The smile that spread wide across her face couldn't be helped. Heero was here.

With a renewed confidence, she articulated her well rehearsed speech. She wasn't more then a few sentences in when she felt a shift in the mood. Relena could still feel Heero, but there was an edge to that feeling now and it was increasing in urgency with every passing second. Something wasn't right. She, inconspicuously, began looking around the room, letting her eyes settle for a few moments on every shadow and hidden corner she could find. A panic suddenly gripped her heart and averted her attention to the private balcony directly in front of her, only slightly aware that she had completely abandoned her speech.

A glint of light caught her eye and she felt her body go cold with fear. With a gasp, she threw herself onto the floor just as the microphone shattered into little shards of plastic and useless fragments of the electronic innards.

Chaos erupted around her as the other delegates screamed and ran for the exits while Preventor agents and Security guards tried their best to take control of the situation. Relena quickly picked herself up as she waived off the Preventer agents attempting to help her.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" she insisted.

"Let us…"

"No. Look up there. They're up there." Relena said, gesturing to the private balcony.

A couple of the agents took off while another ushered her out of the room with the other representatives and delegates. In the hysteria of the crowd, Relena was able to slip away without anyone noticing.

Author's Notes: I'm sorry for the short chapter, and that it took so long to get posted. I meat to have this up weeks ago, but between graduation, moving from one state to another, and a new job, I haven't exactly found the time to put it up. I hope that this will satisfy you until I can find the time to get a better chapter out. Thank you, and let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 6 Part 2

What If?

This chapter is more like another part to chapter 6... So it's another short one. Sorry for the screwed up posting order, I promise I won't do it again.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own GW.

Chapter 6: Part 2

Heero stood in shocked silence. Relena was alive and, better then that, she was completely unharmed.

He watched closely as she picked herself up off the floor and waived the Preventer Agents off. The corners of his lips quirked upwards slightly as he watched her stubbornly refuse assistance, but was caught off guard when she gestured toward the balcony he was currently standing in.

_She knew where the assassin was located? _He thought incredulously.

_You sound so surprised… _A feminine voice replied. _Or are you truly _that_ unaware?_

_Unaware of what? _He asked the voice, not consciously realizing that he was now having conversations with himself.

The voice didn't get the opportunity to answer. Heero heard movement from behind him as the murderous man swiftly rose to his feet and charged at his back.

Heero turned to counter the man's advances, but was easily thrown off balance by the much larger man. He stumbled backwards until he felt his back make contact with the railing. They were struggling and groping for control of the weapon that Heero still held in his grasp.

The two had both hands firmly wrapped around some part of the rifle and were each pulling with such force that it was a wonder that the metal hadn't snapped yet. Heero brought his good leg between them and hit hard and quick against the assassin's lower abdomen. The killer unwillingly released his hold on the gun as he stumbled back in surprise. The intense, blue-eyed boy quickly righted the rifle, aimed and pulled the trigger… but nothing happened_._

He quickly inspected the weapon in his arms only to find that it was in perfect working condition with the safety disengaged.

_He only had one bullet in the chamber? That's… odd. _Heero heard a sigh of relief somewhere in the recesses of his mind, but quickly shook it off.

He stared into the cold, stone gray eyes of the killer standing in front of him, the smile set on his lips now twisting into a gruesome expression. He charged.

The assassin may have had the upper hand physically, but Heero was much faster. Whatever maneuver the killer had in mind was easily dodged, shifting his weight onto the right side of his body.

Heero felt his leg go numb before giving out on him completely. He collapsed into an indignant heap on the floor.

"Heero Yuy…" the mad man said in an amused tone. "…you survived. This wasn't something I was expecting, but I'm impressed none the less."

Heero had moved from his crumpled mass to his hands and knees. It was a simple movement, but it left his body physically spent. He turned his head and narrowed his eyes at the assassin, but the intensity of his gaze was lost on the killer. His maniacal laughter resonated through the now empty hall.

"Oh well… I'll just have to make sure you're dead this time." The harsh, gravelly voice said with a sigh.

As he stepped forward, Heero gathered what strength he had left and lunged towards the rifle. Instead of grabbing it, he shoved the weapon forward just a few feet, until it toppled over the edge of the balcony.

_If I can't use it against the assassin, then I won't allow him to use it against me._

His actions were rewarded by a steel-toed boot to his ribs. The force of the hit caused his body to fall backward. He lay face to the ceiling with the air knocked out of him.

The murderer was on top of him before he could recover his senses. He was straddling Heero's body, pinning his arms to the floor with his knees while the rest of his body weight settled across his waist. Heero struggled futilely against him.

"So…" He chuckled. "You still have some fight left in you." He said as he wrapped his hands around Heero's neck in an iron grip.

Heero balled his fists as he fought against the dizziness in his mind and the burning need for air. The mad man lowered himself until his face was mere inches away from Heero's.

"It seems like no matter what I do, you're always in my way… but I guess I can understand your fixation on Relena. She is symbolic of the peace that you strove so hard to achieve as a Gumdam pilot. But what I don't understand is her feelings of obligation towards you."

_Obligation? Is that what it is? _Heero asked himself.

_No, no, no!_ His Likeness cried in his mind. _Relena cares for you! _

"She.. s… my… friend." He offered. His ability to speak was impaired by the hands around his neck.

The assassin's laughter, once again, filled the space surrounding them. Cold, empty, and humorless.

"Women like her don't have friends like us." He said, tightening his grip on Heero's neck.

"Not… like… you." Heero croaked, little white dots were now dancing in front of his eyes.

"No, Yuy, you're not like me… you're a step above me." The assassin replied reasonably. "After all, it was you who perfected mass murder. You are a step above all of us… even the other pilots."

_He's right…_ Heero thought as his fists slackened.

_No. _Said the feminine voice. _You never wanted that._

_I never even hesitated… When Dr. Jay asked me if I wanted to fight._

Heero's tunneled vision blackened and his sense of sound deafened as he continued to argue with the stubborn illusion.

_You… were… too young… to understand._ She countered weakly, as if she were beginning to feel the affects of Heero's choking.

_How would you know? _He asked.

… _You… know. _She gasped.

Heero could feel the fog settle into his mind as his consciousness started to ebb away… Suddenly, he was released from the iron grip. Air flooded his lungs quickly, as he gasped and coughed violently.

Heero heard two rounds being fired as his senses returned in a flood of blurred color and jumbled noises. He propped himself up on one elbow while he raised the other arm, palm out, in a sign of surrender. His still shaky vision could make out the figures at the other end of the large balcony. The color of their clothes and obvious military inspired formation gave them away as Preventor Agents.

When no hostile gestures were made, Heero retracted his raised arm from the air and attempted to sit upright.

"Heero!?"

"Miss Vice Foreign Minister… it's not safe, you should…"

"I have to see if he's alright." Relena protested to the Preventor Agent.

Heero raised his head and watched Relena walk toward him. The Agent trailing behind her tried to make his point again, but she stubbornly turned him down. Realizing that his arguments were not going to bear fruit, he turned back to the other Agents and started giving out orders.

Relena dropped to her knees in front of the half upright Heero.

"You should lay down." She said softly as she pushed against his shoulders.

He allowed her hands to guide his upper body back down to the floor, hiding a wince from the shooting pain in his ribs. His detached eyes were taking in her expression with careful consideration. She seemed to be trying to control her emotions, but, despite her efforts, her lips were curled into a small smile and the light blue of her eyes were glazed over. There was just a touch of sadness in her features…

_But why?_ Heero wondered.

Relena laid one hand on his neck where the large, finger shaped bruises were beginning to take form. Heero flinched and snached her hand away from his throat. Her touch was gentle enough, but he just couldn't get what the assassin said out of his mind.

"You don't need to feel obligated." He said coldly.

_What are you doing?_ his Likeness said in a panicked voice, but he only ignored her.

Confusion passed over Relena's face.

"Wha… You think…" She couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence, and that was conformation enough for Heero.

_Don't be so sure you know. You're so intent on being worthless to her, to everyone, except as a soldier, that you can't even see what's right in front your face!_ The voice ranted to no avail. _Listen to me!_

_No._ Was his simple, cool remark.

_You have to. You have to…_

_Stop._ He cut her off, grinding his teeth.

_We are running out of time! You need to understand…_

"Just go away!"

No sooner then the words left his mouth did Heero realize that he'd said them aloud. He looked over to Relena just in time to see many indiscernible emotions cross her face and, finally, came to rest at hurt. She merely nodded her head, stood, and left.

_You need to let her _in_, not push her out. _The voice said sadly.

_You're only an illusion…_ Heero thought to himself.

_Please, listen to me. _She pleaded.

_You're only an illusion…_

_Please…_

_You're only an illusion…_

Heero continued to chant his mantra until he was sure the voice was gone. He hoped it wouldn't return soon.

-IoIoIoIoIoI-

Woah! That one took me a lot longer then usual… Thank you to all those who reviewed, and those who just stuck around for the ride.

On to chapter 7... I promise it won't take as long. -AmberEyes


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